Tonights just one of those nights.

Tonight is a night that I hate. Tonight is a night that I cry myself to sleep, fight with my parents and dread waking up the next day. Trying to be strong is very hard. I'm so messed up in the head tonight. Every thought that comes into my head is a bad one. This is when I cry non stop. & This is when I ask God to shut off my brain. It's just one of those nights. & I know tomorrow I'll be different I'll be back to normal. But tonight that's  just not going to happen. I'm pretty sure all teenage girls have nights like these. Maybe even some adults. I know for teenage girls it's always just high school stuff and getting ready for college and a lot of anxiety about different things. I just wish I didn't have nights like these. But I'm sure if you went down the road like I did and continue to go through. You would have nights like these too. I consider these nights normal because they've been happening to me since I was a little girl. They continue to happen maybe once every 3 weeks. When it happens it hits me hard and I feel like I'm back in my black hole. But just for a few hours until I fall asleep. & Then I'm back to my happy bubbly self again the next day. Nights like these are very difficult. I never get suicidal thoughts or bad thoughts . I just get a sad feeling. Almost like a whole in my heart. I think about past occurrences that have happened and then I get really depressed and then I think of new things that are happening and things that are making me unhappy now. & Then I get depressed. So usually I just cry. I really should pray during these times. But usually I'm just in such a dark place I just forget to and I just drown in my sorrows. I know people are probably going to read this and think " How can she help people if she's screwed up herself"? The truth is I'm not screwed up. I am normal. Anybody that has been through what I've been through will experience the same exact thing. It's normal for people like me to go through dark nights like these. Were not perfect human beings. We get depressed sometimes. We have bad nights it happens. I can't explain why this happens. I don't really know honestly. All I know is that God is right here with me. I think this is just a part of the healing process.  I think it is the bodies natural way of getting rid of baggage. To let it all go in your bedroom silently. Tomorrow is a new day. I have to keep reminding myself that tonight is just a night that I'll get through and tomorrow  and I'll be happy again:). God is right here and I know he is .  If you've ever felt like this especially at night your not alone. It's super hard but God is with you. We can get through it together I promise<3. Love- Amanda.