Being 18

Is this how being 18 is supposed to feel? Because if it is, I'm already hating it. I've been 18 since October but graduating high school just made things 10 time harder. First off, I need a Job and I really can't get one because I don't have my license nor even my permit. I've been planning to go get my permit for awhile now but because my parents are so busy I never have anybody to take me. & When I need to talk about important things like college, or getting a job or my license. My parents are too tired to talk about it. My day seriously consists of sitting in my house all day.. What else am I supposed to do? I have to wait when my parents have free time and it is the worst feeling in the world. I don't want to be a big loser. I don't want to sit in my house everyday. I want to be out in the world doing things and it is the most upsetting thing being stuck in my house all day. The only time I ever get out is when somebody takes me out or when I have some place to go like the doctors, babysitting or when I go over somebody's house.  I look at myself and I think WOW WHAT A FAILURE. And I think probably every single person in my family and my friends list probably thinks the same thing about me. My family will tell you there not thinking that. But I'm 100 % certain there thinking that. Have you figured it out yet? I don't know what's been happening but last night and today my depression has kicked in. I'm an emotional wreck. I'm angry today and I'm just pretty much fed up. If I had a choice I'd rather be homeless. Sometimes I think I would be much happier that way. I honestly just want a good paying Job. I want to get my license, I want to pay for a car. I want to do grown up things. I feel like everybody around me is 10 x more grown up than me. But apart of it is because my family won't let me grow up. I look at all of my friends and how they get to go to prom houses and go to concerts and stay out till 2 am and be able to drive with whoever they want. That's apart of being a teenager. But I never ever got to experience that. Because I'm not allowed. SO YUP. This has been my life. Sitting inside of my house with nowhere to go because I don't have my license. I have a lot going on in my head and no way to stop this. This is what happens. I'll be really happy for a month and then one week will be like hell for me. I've been praying and trusting in God. But sometimes the devil gets in the way. Honestly It's annoying . The devil is awful and I wish he would just go away. So there you have it, That's how I'm feeling today. It's apart of having bipolar disorder. It's something I'll live with whether I like it or not. I have hope for myself and I think I will be perfectly fine. It's just been a rough couple of days. Don't get my wrong I love my life, I love my family, I love my friends and I love the Lord. It's just sometimes the black cloud comes back and I can't get out of it. But eventually the storm passes and than I'm happy again:) I know a lot of you can relate to that. Where sometimes life get's you down. Just keep praying. It'll only make you stronger. I take everyday with a bullet proof vest on. Because I never know what my mood is going to be like. It's so hard living with bipolar disorder. It's so hard being an adult and trying to grow up. There's so many things I have to learn still . But I know God will be with me every step of the way. I am NOT alone. I am STRONG and COURAGEOUS . Life just sucks sometimes. So ya know what? I'm going to take today and move on and just try to face another day tomorrow. Prayers will be gladly accepted. This is why I keep my blog. So you know what it's like living with bipolar disorder. Things aren't always peachy. They get super rough. It's important to just stay strong and pray:) Love you.