This quote couldn't be anymore perfect for this time in my life. At this time in my life I have been battling many different emotions. Panic attacks, anger, feeling sick and overwhelmed. I am going to be honest...my relationship with God is slim. It is slim and it has fallen apart because I have failed to see. I have failed to see all of the great things God has given me, and I have only looked at the bad. I have only looked at I feel sick today or I don't wanna live today. Or I feel lonely today, instead of looking at the bigger picture. Today I had off from work so I sat around, slept in and had time to reflect on the past year. I haven't had the time to reflect on anything because I haven't had the chance to pause. Don't get me wrong, I've had lots of free time but none where I could get my brain to calm down. Well today it finally calmed down. I watched a movie about Anne Frank today, I've read the book but I have never watched the movie. I did just that and it brought me into her life. I couldn't stop watching. It put my life into perspective. I am so incredibly thankful I do not have to be in hiding. I am so incredibly thankful that I do not have to share my room with a male stranger. I am so thankful that I don't have to abandon my dog at home ( Anne left her beloved cat). I am so incredibly thankful that I have food and a home to live in. What I found most interesting though, is that Anne and I are similar. She argued with her parents and resented her mother when she only tried to help. I do the same thing, Anne writes...As do I hence for this blog that I keep. Anne had a sister who she thought was way prettier then her and I feel the same way about my sister. Anne had insecurities of feeling not pretty enough. I have those same insecurities . Yet her situation was way more difficult then mine and most people's. Anne made me appreciate my life and what it is. I couldn't imagine being separated from my family and never seeing them again. Watching my niece be taken away by evil men. But that is what happened with the Holocaust. That is what happened with Anne. Here's the thing though, I appreciate my life more... I have realized that even though it is purely horrible and dreadful at times. That I have a lot to look forward to. I have a lot to be thankful for, and I am very blessed. I realized today that God has given me so much and I need to start thanking him. I need to start appreciating my surroundings. I need to start realizing that he gave me these health issues for a purpose. Even though I am so angry I am still so at peace. In the world there are so many bad things happening but yet so many people forget to see all of the beauty that happens out of tragedies. So even though my sickness is a negative thing in my life. I am not going to let it turn into something ugly, instead I want God's hand to be apart of it. I want God's hand to take something bad in my life and turn it into something beautiful. Not many people agree with my beliefs . Not many people believe in me and just think I'm a piece of garbage. However, I see much more in myself. I see a girl who has been pushed down, tortured and spit right out. I have seen her get right back up wobbly and unable to function but standing there fierce ready to fight. I am who I am and even though I have bailed on God for the past few months. I know he still loves me and he IS what sustains me. Without knowing him. Without feeling him. Without having an understanding of who he is.. I would be NOTHING. I would have NOTHING to look forward to when I leave this earth. I am thankful for God. I am also thankful for Anne Frank for showing her courage in her diary, so people would have an understanding of life during the Holocaust but also about being a teenage girl going through difficult times. My life isn't over, my story isn't over and I am going to keep shining the light in this world even if people judge me. God sustains me .
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