I use to wonder why no one ever loved me quite as hard as I loved them. I wondered why I always went out of the way for people 100% more than they would ever do for me. I’d think to myself. Why are people so less than? But it is not that they are less than. I am just entirely more than. Some of us were born this way. We love so hard. We help so damn much. We work so damn hard. We feel too damn much. But as I matured I realized.. it is a blessing and a gift to do things and feel things that other people don’t. If we don’t go out of our way to make people smile who will? If we don’t show people that it doesn’t hurt to help and try to save the world who will? So many people benefit from good deeds and smiles that we don’t notice. Don’t ever stop being more than because it is hard. Know that we know & we appreciate it, even if nobody says a word.
— Andy Insanity
That quote speaks volumes to me, I always wonder why I do so much for people. I'm always trying to help addicts recover, or help someone in trouble. I'm always texting everyone asking them if there okay even if I get no response. I always feel other people's emotions and bring it on to myself. I try to do so much because I want to be God's hands and feet here on earth, I want to reach people that feel like they are not cared for. However, sometimes I just want someone to do the same for me? Not many people like or read my status's on facebook. Not many people ask me how I'm doing or give me advice. Not many people try to make my birthday special or pay for me when I go out to dinner with someone. It's always me paying for them. It get's so exhausting. There are days where I try and say nope I'm not helping them they can figure out there own life. But then I feel selfish and get all upset because I feel like well who else is going to save them? I learned through God and through trying to understand my relationship with him and who God is that even if nobody does the same things back that you do for them your doing God's work and your doing what most people wouldn't deal with. I'm proud that I try to help people and put others before myself but sometimes I think I have to stop and take a deep breath and work on myself. I still have lots of issues to fix. I have depression, anger issues. I have mood swings and I need to figure out my life. But in the end I feel like I'm going to be okay. So even if I have things to work on or I feel like I should stop helping people or stop trying, I'm not going to. God has given me a precious calling and I will not stop. If he's given me something to go for and to love and appreciate I will do that. If he's using me because other people won't put aside there selfish thoughts I will continue to help others. I don't care if your an addict, homeless, angry or have serious underlying issues. I will help you. If you don't want to hear about God or think I pressure him to much just tell me. I will do whatever I can to make sure you are okay. Everybody deserves a chance and while I receive zero of the same help I give to others I will still continue to help, serve , do God's work. Be who I am and work on myself in the process. I admit I have flaws and everyday is a process to fix them but nobody is perfect. I encourage you to help someone this week, whether it be giving someone change, buying someone a meal, or even just giving someone a hug. Do something nice because you would want the same thing done for you.
God bless you in everything you do
Sincerely, Amanda<3.
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