The title of this blog speaks for itself. I haven't been to a church in months, haven't read my bible in months. Haven't prayed in months and haven't thought about God at all for months. I feel such a dark cloud over me and it's because I walked away from my faith a little bit this year. I walked away because I just feel lonely even when I'm at church, I feel full of anxiety. Things keep happening in my life that are causing me to second guess my relationship with him . I don't really have any good Christian mentors or people that I feel I can trust. I just feel completely judged with everything that comes out of my mouth. Over the course of this year I have also lost who I am a little bit. I can't find my church home and as I am writing all of this I feel like people are going to say "your being negative" but I will say that I am trying everyday to be positive. But what I know about God and what I learned about him is that even when I walk away, even when I have anger and anxiety ..he still listens to me. I am God's imperfect beauty. I am not a perfect Christian I'll admit it. I am far from it and I'm sure every other Christian will say the same that nobody is perfect. I think God views me as his beautiful daughter and I also think he understands my situation and why I have walked away a little bit. What I am really praying for is for someone amazing to walk into my life. Somebody who can help me grow and who doesn't bring negativity into my life. Somebody who can guide me and help me with my walk with Christ. I don't have anyone right now and I think that's the worst part. I just feel alone. I guess I decided to write this because it is my therapy and I've been seeing some pretty dark days. So I ask for everyone's prayers that I will come out of this strong. I know I will because everything I have faced I have come out of . I will continue to try and find myself in the midst of all of this "stuff" I am working hard to try and fix. What I love about God though is he still loves me no matter what I choose.
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