Finding out I have multiple medical issues was really hard for me to hear. I didn't want to hear it, I ignored it for years. I found out I had Bipolar and Anxiety when I was 15. At first my psychiatrist thought it was just depression but we later found out after 3 years of suffering that It was indeed Bipolar. Hearing those words broke me. I thought how am I ever going to be able to get over this and get better. How is anyone going to want to date me, they might think I'm crazy. I actually started to loose friends because people just couldn't deal with my ups and downs. Which is completely understandable. I recently got diagnosed with UCTD which is "Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease". It is an autoimmune disease where my immune system attacks my tissues, organs and body in general. It is a real and hard thing to live with. I also got diagnosed recently with .Fibromyalgia that has been a hard thing to deal with as well. Going through this has been very difficult. I've been suffering for years. I just did not do anything about it. I ignored the symptoms. Everyday I feel sick. I wake up and I'm in so much pain I have trouble getting dressed. So now I basically go to work with my hair up, no makeup and just throw on clothes and brush my teeth. I get nauseous daily and sometimes at night. To the point where I will wake up out of a deep sleep and get a bag and sit up for an hour. I can barely walk anymore without my legs going numb or without pain whenever I walk. It is a struggle for me. My lungs don't function properly especially on top of my asthma. My anxiety attacks daily especially with driving has been hard. I have trouble driving anywhere new where I need my GPS. I also have anxiety whenever I'm out with friends. I don't know how I make it everyday. Now my doctors think I have another diagnosis which is MS ( Multiple Sclerosis). I don't know If I do that's why I'm going to a doctor to check. My rheumatologist thinks it is a possibility. Probably one of the hardest parts of this whole suffering thing is that people have not been compassionate towards me. Instead people keep telling me my doctors just want my money, I don't have this or that. It's all in my head. Just exercise and it will go away. That has been hard to hear because people especially my family DO NOT understand what I go through. They NEVER WILL. There also not doctors so they have no authority to make opinions or assumptions.
Through it all though, through the ups and downs and the days where I feel I can't get up. Somehow I find hope and strength. I pray daily and ask God to get me through. I remind myself that it's okay to take a day and relax. I remind myself it's okay not to go out one night when I feel like my week was hard and I don't feel good. I remind myself I am human and that I make mistakes. I remind myself I have a huge heart and that I can get through anything. I remind myself God is using me to do good in this world. I remind myself that this just a bump in the road. I remind myself that I can be a light to other people suffering.
Through this I have learned that I am a strong, beautiful woman. I have learned who my true friends are and the family I still want to keep in contact with. I appreciate the people who have been nothing but a support and love. I love you all so much .
If you are struggling or living with a disease I promise you, that you can get through it. You can fight. I fight everyday and yes it's hard but I will NOT give up. I am determined to have a great life and I will never let this be a set back. I will enjoy my life and I am determined to love who I am. I also couldn't get through this without God. He has been my light and has given me strength.
As I make more appointments and go to a new doctor to possibly check for MS. I ask for prayer in hopes I don't have it. Thank you everyone. I love you all.
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