In elementary school I began to gain a lot of weight. I started to eat my feelings away. The only way to deal with my pain was to eat. That's all I did was eat, Shortly over time I just gained and gained. I thought I was beautiful when I was younger, even If I was bigger. I didn't see myself as ugly until sixth grade came. When sixth grade came it was a different story. I began to get bullied for my weight, Guys wouldn't talk to me. I had no friends besides a few but they were mostly girls. I would walk down the hallway and guys would make fun of me. The one day when I was walking to the school bus, somebody that lived down the street from me told me I was too fat and that I was causing cracks in the sidewalk. I will never forget what I felt in that moment. I still to this day don't like him and I never have and never will. I was football manager in middle school in 8th grade and some of the guys were so sweet, but I knew what the rest were thinking. Some of the guys on the football team laughed at me because I was wearing skinny pants, Another guy used to call me a fat f*** when I was carrying the waters to put them back where they belong. & I never told the coach because I was too nice and I didn't want to crush anyone's dreams. I thought be the bigger person and just let them make fun of me. Imagine that, a girl who's putting her whole effort into helping the football team and it still isn't good enough. My self esteem declined and I just lost it after that. I kept gaining weight and when I got put on medicine for my depression and anxiety I gained 50 lbs because of it. So I was even more over weight. Now that I'm in college I have seen the way guys have treated me and honestly I've gotten zero respect from anyone. All because I'm a bigger girl it makes me different. I would hangout with my best friend and she would call her guy friends and we'd all hangout but they weren't there for me, they were there for her. As you can see it hasn't been easy being me. Everybody always told me over the years I'd be happy if I just lost some weight. However, I refuse too and here's why. If I lost the weight I would be "socially accepted". I'm sure guys would be running towards me, I'd have more friends and life would be "great". Why change just to be liked by guys and other people? I need to love myself first then loose the weight if I feel like it. So I began to love myself, I still love my bigger size. I love my body at times, I think I look great when I dress up. I feel beautiful when I have makeup on and my hairs done. I feel like that's who I am, a beautiful , perky , happy human being and honestly I wouldn't change myself one bit. Yes, I could exercise more but I am healthy and getting my blood work done every six months proves so. No matter what people say about me or how guys treat me, I will always know I am beautiful. I look in the mirror and I see a beautiful heart. Somebody that would do anything for anybody, that would save a life. I am a good person who never deserved how I got treated in the past. I made a decision that I wasn't going to let it define me, Yeah I think about it and get sad. However, I wouldn't change a thing. The guys that made fun of me in the past, I pray there doing well. If somebody else was in my position I'm pretty sure they would have told somebody. But I didn't, because I figured it's not my job to judge. How do I know what there going through? They could come from an abusive father who doesn't know how to treat a woman. I don't know, but I figured I'd let them live there life. All I know is I'm happy being me and if nobody can accept it that's there problem. We have to love our bodies. If we don't love ourselves first, nobody is going to love us. It's apart of being strong and being the woman God embraced us to be. I may be the "fat" girl but I wouldn't have it any other way. I am proud being me, I am proud that I am a good person and that no matter how people treat me I'm always kind back. Love your body, no matter what size you are, you are beautiful. It took me years to realize mine is beautiful. You just gotta shut out everybody's opinion and work hard and embrace YOU.
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