This picture was taken a few weeks ago, it was one of my favorite selfies I have ever taken. However, it is also the saddest. It is an absolute fake smile and a smile that has gone on to just try and get through life. My faith has deteriorated, my friendships are failing. My relationships with my family is disappearing. Everything is absolutely going downhill. While on YouTube tonight I saw a Testimony of Selena Gomez at a Hillsong Conference from 2017. I only saw parts but it was enough to strike me down to my core. Selena finding Christ gave me some actual hope for once. Forever, I have thought if I was famous I'd be happy. Selena Gomez, has all the money in the world but yet that still did not bring her happiness. God did when she let him in to her life. So tonight, I decided to write a letter to myself. What I wrote became really empowering . I share my life with you guys because God has given me a gift of helping others. So I am going to share my letter with you.....
Dear Amanda, You have been eaten, chewed up and spit back out. You have been lied to. Treated like an outsider. You have been ignored. You have been bullied, verbally abused by people you thought loved you. You have been told you will never amount to anything. Men have treated you like an ANIMAL. Like your not human. And by there actions they have made you believe your ugly and you will never get the chance to be loved. You have been treated like a NOTHING. You have never been shown the LOVE YOU DESERVE. You have never been shown the correct way to love other people. You have just been an annoying bug that people don't like. You have tried numerous amounts of times to loose the 65 pounds you want to loose. Each time, you absolutely have failed. You are absolutely ADDICTED to food. It is like a cancer that you can't get rid of .You have been called fat since elementary school. You have been mistreated, disrespected. You have been given labels of multiple diagnosis's and you have let them define you. You have been treated like you are not worthy of living. But AMANDA I AM TELLING YOU NOW, THERE IS HOPE FOR YOU. I know this because GOD gives us hope. He loves you unconditionally and you are a CHILD of him. He wants you to be happy, safe and healthy. Believe in him, Trust in his word and who he says he is. Leave people behind who make you feel like your not worth living a great life. Find your own calling and who GOD has CALLED you to be. Believe in yourself and RELY on God's strength. You have faced HELL since you were SIX years old. But GOD ERASES that hell and he frees you from those chains and gives you a new life. You have a new LIFE COMING filled with Joy and a never ENDING PEACE. You DESERVE so much MORE than you have been given. You DESERVE SO MUCH more than how you have been TREATED. You are worthy of love Amanda. You are God's precious daughter and you always have been. Never give that up..and keep searching to find who you are and let him CHANGE you. You are LOVED...He knows your mistakes and he gets rid of those to, and LOVES YOU ANYWAY.
Brings tears to my eyes that I wrote that, for sometime now I have really struggled with my relationship with Jesus. I am currently searching for a church home. Currently trying to find myself in the midst of this crazy world. But what I have found writing this letter to myself is that I LOVE MYSELF. I am aware of my issues and I know the ONLY thing that can fix them...Which is Jesus. I now know why my life was confusing and a mixed up mess. Because I gave up my faith up in people, in myself and in God. This letter to myself was so therapeutic, and gave me a whole new light. A light that I was missing and made me realize the thing I was really missing was God himself. Soo....THANK YOU, SELENA GOMEZ . For teaching me that being famous means nothing what matters is God's love and how you use it. What matters is he restores the broken, heals the sick and money does not make you happy. Only he can provide you with happiness.
A couple of my favorite verses:-
Jeremiah 29:11- For I know the plans I have for you, Plans to prosper not to harm you, but to give you a FUTURE AND A HOPE.
Philippians 4:13- I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who gives me strength.
Romans 5:3- Not only so, but we also GLORY in our SUFFERINGS, because we KNOW that suffering PRODUCES Perseverance.
God bless you all! xoxo
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