My life over the past few months...

So for the past few months I've battled with exhaustion. I've battled with my depression and bad eating habits as well as dealing with my self esteem. I lost friends , I lost sight of who I was for a little while. I also decided to take a break from college. Currently right now I'm trying to gather my thoughts and get my life together. It has not been easy for me these past months. I've dealt with lots of different emotions and feelings. I haven't really gone out with friends because I feel like I'm so different from everybody else that I just never feel comfortable. I have also dealt with my severe anxiety. At night I have panic attacks and feel like I can't breathe. My doctor told me to start taking benadryl . So that's what I do, I take it at night sometimes and it really does help. I don't know I guess I'm just tired. I'm tired of fighting to please this world, I just want to feel happy. At times I do feel happy, I feel like a new person and then there are times where I don't want to get up. I feel very misunderstood within my family and people that I have met over the years. I feel like nobody can relate to me because they have not been inside of my brain. I don't even think I understand me or who I am. All I really do is just pray and hope for the best. I know God is working in my life and he is taking care of me. I truly believe that and I trust in him and his plan. I have my doubts too but that's normal for a young lady. As I wait to hear back from a job I completed an interview for and learn to cope and work on myself I am praying for all of you. I must say though that I think it's time to be a little selfish. My whole life I've worried about my family, I have been there for my family and I have done nothing but put strangers and my friends first. However, I have never had the chance to think about my life and work on myself because of all of that. So I think it's time that I take a step back and work on me for a change. That's exactly what I am going to do. I appreciate everyone's prayers and support. Dealing with a mental illness is SO hard. I will continue to fight and never give up . I will trust in my savior and never loose hope.