Reasons why I love being an aunt.

Before I met Charley and I found out my sister was expecting I was super excited. I tried not to show it but once my sister told my parents and I the insides of my heart instantly felt peace and happiness because I knew that this baby was going to change my family. My family and I have been through many hardships and I knew that adding a baby would just make everything better. Charley was a surprise, my sister was not planning to have a baby but it happened in God’s time and boy did he give us this gift at the right time. I watched my sister go through many difficulties of her pregnancy. Throwing up, back pains, not being able to sleep and the anxiety of waiting for her arrival. It was beautiful though and I loved every minute of waiting for a new baby to come into our lives. My sister lived with us through most of her pregnancy and it was cool to see her change and grow as a person. I saw a glow in her I have not seen in many years. The day Charley arrived my sister was induced. We waited at the hospital from seven am all the way until nine or ten at night. Waiting was the hardest part I was very scared because you never know what is going to happen. However, she was born via C-section and was so very healthy and it brought the biggest smile to my face. I held her very shortly after she was born and I could not help but look into her eyes and see her beauty. My heart jumped for joy, I was no longer just “Amanda”. I became Auntie Amanda and it was an amazing feeling. Over the course of the past eighteen months, I have had the opportunity of watching Charley grow. It has been one of the biggest gifts I could have ever been given. Charley has not only changed me but she has changed my entire family as a whole. She loves Doc Mcstuffins, Frozen, Taylor Swifts song Shake it Off. She loves animals and anything Disney princess. She also loves to sing Itsy Bitsy Spider and Jesus Loves me. She jumps everywhere. She loves to laugh, dance, and have a good time. It is an amazing feeling walking in the door and seeing her face light up. Her favorite person right now is my dad. Their relationship has been a miracle in its own. My dad has had his struggles but having Charley in his life has completely changed his thought pattern and each day he goes on because of her. Charley has been a great addition to our family. I am cherishing her being eighteen months always. Before I know it, she will be in elementary school. I am super thankful to God. We were going through such a battle as a family and he decided to give us this beautiful little girl. Our souls are new, our happiness has been created. We have a reason to get our lives together and focus on love. I could not be more thankful to have this little girl. I adore her, appreciate her, accept her and LOVE being an aunt. I never knew how amazing it would actually make me feel. I am going to be that aunt that takes her niece out to get her nails and hair done. I am going to buy her everything I can . I am going to bring over ice cream and whip cream and chick flicks when a guy breaks her heart. But also be a support system if she ever needed anything later on in life. I'm going to do everything I can to get my life together . Each day that life goes on I feel more and more loved because I am surrounded by family.  I will continue to enjoy being Aunt Amanda for the rest of my life. I'm proud of my family for pulling together for this little angel.

Thanks God for her beautiful smile, radiant personality and her spirit that has shined a light in our lives we have never seen before.

Love you Charley, 

Love Auntie.

My life over the past few months...

So for the past few months I've battled with exhaustion. I've battled with my depression and bad eating habits as well as dealing with my self esteem. I lost friends , I lost sight of who I was for a little while. I also decided to take a break from college. Currently right now I'm trying to gather my thoughts and get my life together. It has not been easy for me these past months. I've dealt with lots of different emotions and feelings. I haven't really gone out with friends because I feel like I'm so different from everybody else that I just never feel comfortable. I have also dealt with my severe anxiety. At night I have panic attacks and feel like I can't breathe. My doctor told me to start taking benadryl . So that's what I do, I take it at night sometimes and it really does help. I don't know I guess I'm just tired. I'm tired of fighting to please this world, I just want to feel happy. At times I do feel happy, I feel like a new person and then there are times where I don't want to get up. I feel very misunderstood within my family and people that I have met over the years. I feel like nobody can relate to me because they have not been inside of my brain. I don't even think I understand me or who I am. All I really do is just pray and hope for the best. I know God is working in my life and he is taking care of me. I truly believe that and I trust in him and his plan. I have my doubts too but that's normal for a young lady. As I wait to hear back from a job I completed an interview for and learn to cope and work on myself I am praying for all of you. I must say though that I think it's time to be a little selfish. My whole life I've worried about my family, I have been there for my family and I have done nothing but put strangers and my friends first. However, I have never had the chance to think about my life and work on myself because of all of that. So I think it's time that I take a step back and work on me for a change. That's exactly what I am going to do. I appreciate everyone's prayers and support. Dealing with a mental illness is SO hard. I will continue to fight and never give up . I will trust in my savior and never loose hope.