Why I am saving myself for marriage.

                                                           1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

Love is Patient, Love is kind, It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not- self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records or wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues , they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.


This topic came to my mind today, only because I am thinking. I am thinking about many different things and what I want my future to hold and what kinds of characteristics  I want for myself. Many of my friends are not virgin's. Some of my family members are not virgins. Mostly everyone I know did not save themselves for marriage. In my eyes there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes romance gets in the way and takes over our mind, heart and body and then it just happens. Me on the other hand, I made a promise to the Lord that I will wait for my future husband. Here is why, Sex is not something to take likely, it is not something that we should just do with everyone we can. God made it special, God made it so two people who love each other can come together and become one but also to have a child. God designed sex for two people that are in "LOVE". Many people today loose there virginity mostly in high school but for some middle school. Was it love? I truly don't believe you can love somebody in middle school or high school. Sometimes people marry there high school sweethearts which is amazing, however, some people just have a bunch of different boyfriends or girlfriends through there school career. How is that love? God says it in the book of 1 Corinthians that love is special. It is something you cannot duplicate or sugar coat. It is a serious matter and it is something that is important. It is something you feel for only one person. There is only one person on this earth that you will fall in love with and that is your husband or wife. See the problem is when people are young and they have a boyfriend or girlfriend they think it is love, so they will loose it and then want to do it more and more. But that is not love, that is your first love. There is a different between your first love and the love you will have for the rest of your life. Usually when I tell a guy I want to wait until marriage, they get annoyed with me. I usually feel disrespected because in my opinion if a guy can't wait like me then he is not where he needs to be with God and he does not respect girls. I am choosing to save myself for a guy I love, a guy that understands me. Accepts me, shows me truth. A guy that will not just do it once with me and then leave. Purity to me is very important and I don't want to be the girl that winds up pregnant at 19. I don't want to be the girl that's traveling around to different guys for pleasure. I want to be the girl that knows what she is looking for and that knows what Love is. I have never been in love. I have been in relationships that felt like love but none of them will ever compare to the love I have for my soulmate. I believe in soulmates, I believe that mine is out there somewhere. So I will wait because I have a loving father that respects me and that made me special. I do not want to reveal anything to somebody I don't love . I will never let a guy change my mind, I have already had many different men try and change my mind. However, they were not worthy of my time. God says love is great, worthy and pure. I will save my heart and my body for someone special and that is all.

Ephesians 4:2 - Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing one another in love.

How walking from my faith just made everything completely dark.

For the four - six months I have walked away from God. I stopped praying, I stopped going to church and volunteering. I stopped stay connected, I stopped reading my bible because I had many doubts. I was angry and confused. My whole life I was taught about this "loving" God but things keep happening around me and no matter what I do or how strong I am with God, none of them go away. I became an unbeliever for awhile. I am completely not ashamed to admit it. I'm not afraid to say I didn't believe in God and I gave up in believing in him. When I stopped believing and actually said out loud to my parents, I hate God and I don't believe in him. I felt a stab in my heart, almost like a soul completely left my body. Like I wasn't holy anymore or that I wasn't filled with love. Hate came in and drew me down. I started hating my family, hating my friends. I started having mental breakdowns again. I started crying myself to sleep and feeling lonely , lost and empty. I didn't know what to do. I was scared, Almost like is this really happening again? Am I getting suicidal again?  Is there something wrong with me? So many question's came into my head. Then I was suffering with people telling me there is no God and I started believing everything they were saying and I started believing in science and I began turning into a complete Athiest.  Two days ago I was with my friends and had an anxiety attack. I haven't had one of them in about a month or 2 or in public in awhile. It was really hard and my friends had a difficult time understanding what was wrong with me. I haven't cried in public in forever, but I started remembering that these symptoms and feelings didn't develop until I left God himself. So when I came home I wrote God a prayer because I like to write . I started listening to Christian music again because I've neglected it for so long. I started listening to Testimony's on Youtube and all of these things just impacted my life to the point of me being in tears. Because God has started to creep in my life. My heart is beginning to feel the spark it had before. I started listening to people like Dr. Jason Lisle who is firm on the belief that Science is in the Bible and he can prove it. I started listening to Ken Ham who knows all about creation. I guess what I've learned is, it's not going to be easy for me to automatically step in and recharge my faith. I really have to work at it and I've learned that God is like a parent. Sometimes he does things in your life that don't make sense. Sometimes he tells you know, Sometimes you feel his love , Sometimes you don't. He teaches you life lessons but one thing he really does is he truly cares. I know this because I've seen his spirit change people in person. I've seen people walk down an isle in front of so many people to get saved. I've felt God so strong to the point of where I've sat in church and started to sob because I'm selfish. I'm selfish that I neglected him all because I didn't agree with what he was doing in my life. But I realized that he has a bigger plan for me then what I have for myself. I have Faith that he will guide me and make sure I'm okay. I have Faith he will help me get a Job and finish college and get married someday. I have Faith, Faith is believing in something you cannot see. Just like when a family member dies and you see them in your dreams or feel them around you. You can't see them but you feel them and that's how God is. You can't see him but he talks to people in different ways and he speaks through music and Bible teachings and he gives you a hope bigger than you would ever imagine. I'm not 100 % where I should be yet with God. I have tons to work on, I have to figure things out and work on being a great follower but I do know that he's got me. All I have to do is trust and let go from the chains and the baggage that I've carried for the past six months. I've made the decision to get back in a relationship with him and I've made the decision that I will attend church on Sunday because I need nothing more than to have him back into my life. I need nothing more than to feel free and happy and alive. And honestly, you don't get bigger feeling . No drug, alcohol . Not any person can make you feel the way God does. He gives you a natural high and it is the most amazing feeling you could ever experience. Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement. If you have any prayer request's email me! Thanks.