What I went through this August Through now

I went through such a difficult time probably beginning in the middle of August. My depression came back, My anger came back & my pain came back. I saw dark days. I began thinking of ways I could end my life. I neglected God. Stopped going to church for months, stopped praying, stopped reading and I completely gave up on him. Because there were times when it felt like he wasn't there. So I just gave up all the love I had for him and threw it away. But when I did that, things only got worse. I began go ogling different ways I could end my life. I thought about packing my bags and leaving without my family knowing. Horrible thoughts, Horrible dreams were coming back into my life. It felt like I took 6 years worth of steps ALL the way backwards. I began taking anger out on my family. Saying horrible mean things to my parents because I had so much anger about everything. I've been through a lot of pain in my life and I thought I threw it all in the trash but really there was still some left over in me. I still haven't gotten rid of it yet. But what I have is God back. He's not fully back in my life but I'm working him in slowly. Somebody I know got me an amazing beautiful bible & I just can't wait to learn about God because now I have a bible that I can understand. Ya know I think I stopped writing in my blog because I thought " How can I write in my blog if I'm not living a life full of Christ"? Because I wasn't. I stopped but now I'm working him back in. I know I have support, I know I have love but I think what I need is to separate myself from worldly people. What I mean by that is temporarily cutting people off so I can focus on me. And get myself straight. Because right now I'm walking on a curved road. I need to straighten it out and being around the people that make me unhappy. Is not good for me right now. I'm focusing on me and taking this time to relax and get myself together. If your lost, or angry or tired. Begin your spiritually journey with God. He will turn everything around and bring you back to yourself again. Like he is starting to do to me<3.