How dare you... How dare you.. How dare you.. is what I think every day when I look into your sad eyes. It is the anger built up inside of me after all of these years. It is the strength that it takes for me to deal with the person you are. It is the fear that I have thinking that your not going to wake up tomorrow . It is what an amazing heart I must have for me to able to love you still after all you have done to me mentally and physically. I dread seeing you... I dread looking at your blood shot dilated eyes. I dread hearing you slur your words. I dread seeing you pale and thin. I dread looking at your uncleanliness. I dread your manipulation.. The " I love you's" When there not even real. I dread seeing you " nod out" but most importantly I dread YOU. I dread who you are but honestly who you have become. It's funny because it started with one simple drug and your whole world was changed. You went from a great person, to the devil in disguise. I don't hate you, I'm just angry with you and I want nothing more then for you to change your ways. I want to see you happy and full of life. If I'm to blame for your addiction I'm sorry but I will not let you use that as an excuse. You are not even you.. I don't know who you are. You lie to me, yell at me and give me anxiety whenever I'm around you. I don't want to get rid of you, I don't want to loose you but there is such a big part of me that just wants to leave you behind. I do not want to help or be any part of your life. However, then I remember that this is all not YOU. This is the DRUG that is running through your blood stream. This is the mental illness that LIVES inside of your brain and although I want to say I don't love you, Deep inside of me I will forever love you. I keep hope sometimes that you'll one day change and be the person I knew years ago but right now I am not so sure. So in order for me to stay sane I rely on Jesus and prayer and hope one day he can save you. Right now it looks like he's the only one who will. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you and every little part of who you once were. I hold onto those memories and keep them to my heart and cherish the days we were never apart. I know your soul is still there somewhere inside of you. I just pray I meet them again. Thank you though for making me never want to touch one drink or a drug. Thank you for making me strong and showing me how I should deal with people like you. Now I know what it's like to deal with evil. I wish nothing more for you to get better, I pray for hope, peace and a better year. But I also pray that one day all of the drugs in the world will be gone and we will finally be able to breathe and have comfort.
This wasn't to anyone in my life in general but I have a bunch of addicts around me in my life whether it's friends or family and this is what it's like. I took you into the mind of a sober person dealing with an addict in there life. It is difficult and I'm sure everyone can relate to this at some point in there life.
