How Treatment Saved My Life

I didn't want to go to treatment. I was scared, lonely and afraid. When the counselor at school told me I needed to get help I thought why? I thought the way I was acting and who I was, was normal. When in fact it wasn't. What was going on in my head was difficult to comprehend. It was scary being twelve years old and having your mom come pick you up to get evaluated. Looking back I couldn't imagine the hurt she felt that day. You think as a parent your doing all of the right things until BOOM something happens and you have to reevaluate your parenting skills. My mom and dad gave it there best shot and it just didn't work out for me. Treatment was a scary place, I was outpatient so I got to go home at night. What I learned was very valuable to apply to my own life. I met some other students my age and even younger who had similar issues I had. Some of them had more difficult lives then me, but one thing I remember is that we all were there for each other in different ways. I remember the therapy was the most difficult, my dad never really came at first because I think it was too much for him to deal with at the time. My mom came and talking to her about my issues and what I felt we were not connecting on was very hard, especially watching tears come down her eyes. One of the most important things I learned in treatment is that it is okay to show your emotions and it is okay to cry. So I just began the process of putting my feelings on the table and handing it over to God. I said okay God whatever you have planned for me let it shine through. After going into treatment three times I finally found myself. I was in therapy for years afterwards but what I got out of those difficult times was strength. I had to be VERY strong and really take the time to work on myself. To be honest even though I might feel better and be better as a person.. I still struggle very much. Some days I yell at my mom and say mean things. Some nights I cry myself to sleep...Some days I just don't want to get out of bed. However, I feel that God has a purpose for all of this. I have had a really hard time letting him into my life and staying true to his word. But I really try and I want to try it just is hard to because of the world we live in and what I'm surrounded by. I honestly can say though I am very proud of myself for overcoming what I have. I've been through a lot of hard times and to be where I am today it's a miracle. I must say though, people think I have to be perfect. But I'm not going to be. I'm going to have bad days and good days..I fight that's who I am and I'm not going to give up. After treatment is the hard work and I've been out of treatment and out of counseling for five years...I'm just glad to be alive and I am thankful for everyone who supported and loved me through the difficult process of finding..half of who I am.. I still have yet to discover the other half but that will come with time and plenty of work. God's grace has been very sufficient for me. Without him I don't know where I would be.